It's a date!

We finally have a court date to finalize Eliza's adoption. On May 4th, 2010, she will officially become our daughter forever, and an American citizen. Of course, to us, she has been our daughter since we first saw her face. Now to find the perfect red white and blue outfit.

Worship at all times

"At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship" Job 1:20 - This is what Job did after finding out that all his sons and daughters had died.

I want God to fill my heart with the desire to worship him at all times. It is easy to worship in the good times. The birth or homecoming of a child, weddings, promotions, sunny spring days... But what about when things are really hard? What about when terrible things happen, and it seems impossible that any good could ever come from it? Then it is not so easy.

My instinct is to whine and shake my fist at God, to plea and bargain with Him, to attempt to rationalize and understand His plan and His timing. And that is if I turn to God at all in my desperation. Seldom in the midst of the valley do I feel compelled to fall to my knees and worship Him.

Today I pray that God would give me a heart like Job's. May I always be moved to worship my Amazing God, despite what the world is throwing at me.

I can feed myself, mommy

Eliza is getting more and more independent, and is now pretty much refusing to let me feed her. She wants to feed herself. I suppose this is a good thing, but so very very messy.

And after she feeds herself....BUBBLE BATH

Battling My Selfish Heart

For from time to time, those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need. Acts 4:35

I'm sure I'm not the only parent who is frustrated time after time by their children's selfish behavior. Our oldest consistantly tries to sell things to his little brothers, and by sell, I mean rip off; getting any of the kids to share their precious possessions is like pulling teeth. I am so frustrated until my Heavenly Father reminds me just how much the apples are not falling far from the tree. When he opens my eyes to just how much value I put in the monetary things.

I am seriously ticked off at Him, because our house deal fell through. I question Him. I try to bargain with him. Dear God, I really NEED this house to sell so I can pay off our credit cards and be a good christian steward just like Dave Ramsey says. Dear God, I would be so generous if you would just bless me financially. Dear God, Your kingdom would be so much better off if I were so much better off. I don't actually pray these things, but they are in my heart, and He knows it.

So what is my solution. I don't know, but I vow to keep seeking ways to be less selfish until I actually become less selfish. I don't want to be the adult christian woman who's attitude is really like that of a three year old who's favorite word is "Mine!". I know that the one who dies with the most toys does not win, and having the most toys has never been my desire. I do, however, have a certain standard of living that I selfishly think I'm entitled to, as much as I hate to admit it.

Whatever it is that we are unwilling to give up is what we believe we are entitled to. Is it a nice suburban home? living in a good neighborhood? annual family vacations? Nice clothes? retirement accounts? High-def televisions? an awesome cell phone? going out to eat? health care? good public schools? clean drinking water?...Shall I continue?

The truth is, we are not entitled to anything. Every single breath we breathe is a gift. It is all a gift from above. God did not promise us a life of luxury or even a life of relative comfort. He said "take up your cross and follow me". I don't know about you, but I certainly do not feel the weight of a cross bearing down on my shoulders. I do feel a burden, but it is a self inflicted burden of selfish greed. This burden of greed is the one I need Christ to take from me, then I can live a life of generosity and gratitude. This is what pleases Him, and so this should be my heart's desire.

The word of the day

Today's word of the day is INSANITY

Definition: Eating several handfulls of trailmix. Then realizing it doesn't taste good AT ALL. Then continuing to eat it in hopes of it suddenly tasting as good as I think it should.

Wordless Wednesday